Archive for October, 2011

Campus OUTing


2011
10.24

A silent revolution to make campuses gay friendly is underway in colleges across India, finds out Sukhdeep Singh

Deepak was still in college when he decided that he could not live a dual life each day. Living in a hostel during his engineering days in a small town, he desired to get his friends talking about sexuality, and so he decided to come out to his friends. But instead of telling them personally, he chose to write about his sexuality and the problems and dilemmas of a young gay man in his blog. Needless to say, it created a lot of brouhaha in his college. “But it led to a lot of discussion among my friends, many times with me, many times without me. The shroud of mystery was broken and since they knew me personally many of their perceptions relating to gay men were broken too,” tells Deepak. While Deepak did face a few homophobic comments initially, most of his friends were supportive. “The time of my coming out couldn’t be better, because a few days later, the Delhi High Court decriminalized homosexuality and there was a lot of discussion in all of media on this topic,” says Deepak.

Deepak was all of 20 yrs when he took this step of starting a dialogue in his college campus. But his is not a lone story. In the last few years, especially after the decriminalization of homosexuality on 2nd July 2009, a lot of students are taking it upon themselves to educate their peers about homosexuality and make the campus environment friendly enough for other queer students and are receiving support from their batch mates too.

Past Initiatives

While various new initiatives might have been started in the recent years, there have been attempts by  students to start a dialogue among the youth as early as 2003. One such initiative was Anjuman, which was a students’ queer initiative of Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) of Delhi and was an attempt to initiate discussion about gender and sexuality at a time when the case pertaining to Sec 377 was still pending in the courts and the capital city was yet to witness a gay pride march.

An attempt was also made in IIT Bombay, which now has a support group called Saathi for LGBTQ students, around a decade ago. An alumnus of the college had created a yahoo group with an aim of connecting gay students of IIT-B and published the group in various online communities. Being an unmoderated group, there were people from all around the country who had joined the group and the group lost its relevance. Another attempt was made in the institute around four years ago when a student contacted the owner of the yahoo group and was made the moderator of the group. However, these attempts were clandestine in nature and there were no open discussions in the campus of the tech-college.

Opening up

But with the decriminalization of homosexuality by the Delhi High Court, young students are now more confident than ever and talking about sexuality openly and utilizing all available media to reach out en masse. “I chose to write about it in my blog because I could reach out to more people at a go instead of telling them one by one, and also if it was there in black and white, it would prove that it wasn’t just another gossip or rumour, since rumours in my college campus were created every hour,” says Deepak.

Students in other institutes have been using the college newsletter to educate their peers and tell them that gay people exist, and exist everywhere and among them. One such instance that occurred earlier this year was in IIT Madras, where a young gay student wrote an anonymous blogpost titled Standard Deviation in the student run online news site The Fifth Estate telling about his struggle for self-acceptance, how suffocating the closet is, how the jokes cracked by fellow batch mates about gay people affect him, and how ‘uneducated’ even the ‘educated’ folks at IIT are. “Yes, gay people exist in IITM, not to mention in every other educational institution, in every walk of life,” he wrote. Inspired by IIT Madras, the editors of IIT Bombay’s newsletter Insight-The Third Eye asked an alumnus (who was openly gay during his years in the institute) to share his experience. Titled Gay @ IITB: Out and Proud and written under the pseudo name H, the post gave a detailed account of his life, from pre-JEE Days, to the fears of coming out, and finally the support received from all friends on telling them about his orientation. It also talked about a support group Saathi having been formed in the college campus.

It is just not the IITs that have opened up on the matter. Ardhek Akash- the annual magazine of Presidency University (earlier Presidency College), Kolkata- has expanded its horizons from discussing women-centric issues to talking about gender and marginalized groups and now describes itself as an anti-gender discrimination magazine. Explaining why Ardhek Akash decided to look at gender on a broader scale, Bondona Mondal says, “We know that Sec 377 has been read down, but we don’t think that it has led to any major change in the society. Homosexuality is not restricted to any class, but I think after the repeal of 377, the upper class people are still able to lead the life according to their wish, but the lower class or middle class often doesn’t have the means to do that. A celebrity like Rituparno Ghosh doesn’t have to face the oppression of the society as much as a common woman or man not conforming to the gender norms of the society has to.” 

Student Initiatives

While starting a dialogue about gender and homosexuality to change perceptions and build a friendly environment, students also realize the importance of support groups for LGBT students still coming to terms with their sexuality. While it may be easier for adults to go out for events or parties, students often have a number of restrictions imposed by the family when it comes to venturing out. For some the venue might be unsuitable, while for others the time. Realising the problems being faced by queer students, a group of four people came up with Queer Campus, a Delhi based independent queer student and youth collective, in  2010. “It is not easy for students to access places, so we try to go to different places where people can come,” tells Rahul K. Sharma, a founding member of the group. “Queer Campus is a safe space where queer people can just talk, share their stories and just be themselves. That space could be anywhere. The meetings would take place every alternate week. Since 2011, more and more people have got into it. It is not just limited to college people. It is a collective,” says Gagan Paul, an active member of Queer Campus in Delhi. Consequently, the meetings have been held at Haus Khaz, Lajpat Nagar, Cannaught Place and other places in Delhi; and are attended by people as young as 16 years to as old as 50 years. “It is very compulsory that we have a meeting every alternate week,” emphasizes Gagan.

Saathi- the LGBT support Group of IIT Bombay- also has similar objectives. “The very first thing that Saathi aims to be is a support structure for students who are going through the realization phase or confusion phase, anything related to gender identity or sexuality. It is just a support structure. We by no means are claiming to be a professional counseling group. If we realize someone needs professional help, we immediately advice them to contact a professional counselor,” tells Nivvedan S.

A very remarkable thing about these student initiatives is that they very clearly state themselves to be non-political, away from the politics of sexuality. “Queer Campus is a very personal space and not political. It is a celebratory space where you can just come in, share stories and develop friendships,” says Rahul.

Events and Awareness Campaigns

Apart from being a support group for queer students, these groups also realize that if things need to change in the society, society at large has to be educated on matters relating to alternate sexuality. “Our secondary aim is to build a positive environment and sensitize the student community. People should not be very afraid to come out. They should be more confident. They never talk… the silence is the problem and with Saathi we aim to get them talking,” says Nivvedan. It was with this aim that Saathi addressed freshers during the induction program at IIT Bombay. Apart from an introduction about Saathi, the address also clarified that homosexuality is nothing unnatural. The impact of the address can be gauged when Nivvedan tells, “Some of the freshmen posted in our mailing list saying ‘Thank you so much you have helped me. Just knowing that I am not alone and there are a lot of people around to help me is emotionally very reassuring.’”

Ardhek Akash also tries to engage the students of Presidency through regular talk shows. The group invited Rituparno Ghosh and other actors of the movie Aarekti Premer Golpo, which was an acclaimed Bengali movie about a jatra artist and dealt with same-sex love. The whole cast and crew, along with Chapal Bhaduri- the jatra artist on whom the movie was based- answered questions fielded by students. Next the group invited noted lawyer Aditya Bondyopadhyay, who has been a key figure in the case involving Sec 377, to talk about his experiences and the misuse of Sec 377. The group has also invited a male-to-female trangender to talk about transgender issues.

Queer Campus too has a similar story to narrate. On one hand the group has held film screenings for LGBTs and organized open mic events like Qspeak and provided a platform to many queer students to highlight their talent; on the other hand they have been trying to reach out to the wider student community as well. Very recently, along with Equal India Alliance, YP Foundation, Must Bol and Naz Foundation, Queer Campus organized an Aam Sabha in St. Stephens, Delhi. “It was basically to tell people that gender discrimination should not be present in colleges,” informs Gagan. “We mainly focus on the youth because they are more open towards talking about stuff. All we need is discussion and sharing and talking, because even if we get negative response, we are there to correct that,” he adds.

Support & Opposition

Be it Saathi, Ardhek Akash or Queer Campus, they enjoy a considerable support of straight people too and have a number of straight persons taking part in their meetings and events. Currently, Saathi has 85 members in its mailing list and it includes many straight supporters. “Saathi is not just a LGBTQ group,” points out Nivvedan. “Anyone in the campus is welcome to join Saathi. You need not be LGBTQ. There are a lot of straight supporters on Saathi and some of them are very passionate and are doing a lot.” “We have different people coming to Queer Campus meetings, including straight supporter and we don’t stop anyone. Difference of opinions is there, but we respect that,” tells Gagan.

College authorities have also been largely supportive of these initiatives. A faculty member of IIT-B is a member of  Saathi and when the group first approached the Director, he too was supportive. Talking about the support from the college authorities, Nivvedan says, “Our PRO (Public Relations Officer) was also very supportive and she felt that such a good initiative should be made known to public and that at least other institutes should definitely be inspired by IIT-B. She also felt that it was a good thing to go to the media and that is when media came into the picture.” The Principal of Presidency has also been enthusiastic about Ardhek Akash’s activities. “When we decided to call Rituparno Ghosh and the cast of Aarekti Premer Golpo, the Prinicipal himself was very enthusiastic,” says Bondona. “We focus on private issues mainly present in the queer issues. All we do is meet, and I don’t think anyone can oppose that. Colleges have been supportive,” tells Gagan.

But if there has been support, there has been opposition as well, though from a small number of individuals. “It is undeniable. There are people who are definitely opposing, but they are very less in number,” says Nivvedan, “a handful who have been posting hate comments on Facebook, but nothing in real life. That is all that has happened.” Bondona also has a narrates a similar experience: “It would be wrong to say that everyone has the same view point like me or you, or that everyone is ok with it in Presidency.”

Expansion plans

Queer Campus is now moving out of Delhi to other cities as well. Pune has been their first destination and Mumbai and Bangalore are next on their map. Ardhek Akash too is an inter-university magazine and apart from Presidency University, Jadavpur University and Calcutta University are associated with it. However, Saathi intends at remaining a support group for IIT Bombay only.

Breaking the Silence

What most of them do realize is that silence surrounding the matter is the main hurdle. A significant section refrains from taking any sides on the matter and chooses to ignore the whole issue and it is important to get this section to listen to queer issues and views. “A huge portion of the population is not taking any sides, they don’t have any idea and are not well aware. So we intend to get them talking and want to make them realize that it is a big issue. Although it is a minority issue, yet, it is a signifacnt issue,” says Nivvedan.

Even when receiving support from various quarters, they are well-aware of the fact that they may not be able to change the views of every individual. “We may not be able to change the views of everyone, but we are trying to get them to listen to alternate view points,” says Bondona. “Even if we are able to change the mentality of one person by one percent, our job is done,” asserts Gagan.

With India having a large young population, these groups understand that educating the youth, who are more open minded, shall lead to a better and tolerant future and the message they are trying to get across, as Nivevedan says, is: “We aren’t very different from you. We just differ in one thing, then why so much of hatred?”

Project Bolo


2011
10.24

By documenting the experiences of 20 out and proud people, Project Bolo is the first of its kind project that tries to reconstruct the gay rights movement in India. In a candid interview, Sridhar Rangayan tells more about BOLO.

Tell us about Project Bolo

For the first time in India, 20 LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) persons in four cities open up in a candid manner to offer an inside view into their lives, views and accomplishments in PROJECT BOLO, meaning ‘Project Speak Up’. These in-depth video interviews walk us through their lives – their growing up years, sexual explorations, coming out to family/friends/media, their romances and relationships, their fearless career paths and their pioneering accomplishments.

Project Bolo Vol1 contains interviews with 20 LGBT persons from Mumbai, Pune, New Delhi, Lucknow & Hyderabad:

Aditya Bandopadhyay, Ashok Row Kavi, Betu Singh, Bindumadhav Khire, Dalip Daswani, Gauri Sawant, Geeta Kumana, Giti Thadani, Hoshang Merchant, Jehangir Jani, Lachi, Laxmi Narayan Tripathi, Manvendra Singh Gohil, Nisha, Parmesh Shahani, R Raj Rao, Ruth Vanita, Saleem Kidwai, Shivananda Khan, Sunil Gupta

Each of them bring a different slice of life experience, a different piece of history, a different tile of India… to form a rich mosaic, a rich tapestry of Indian LGBT life, history and movement; that is ‘Project Bolo’.

 

How was the project conceptualised?

In 1990, when we started publication of Bombay Dost, the general perception was that there are no homosexuals in India and it was a Western concept. In fact, it was even alleged that gay men existed only in the head of one ‘out’ gay man –  Ashok Row Kavi!! When we went asking for facilities, services and rights for LGBT persons, the constant question was – where are they, we don’t see them. The LGBT community themselves were still fraught with doubt and anxiety, ‘What happens if I come out?’ So, a majority of LGBT persons have largely remained in the closet and, till recently, people who were out could be counted on one’s fingertips.

Most of the time people would ask who are the LGBT persons in India? All we see are a couple of activists. I wanted that to change. I wanted to show that there are writers, filmmakers, lawyers, sculptors, potters, historians, dancers, outreach workers and even corporate white-collar professionals who are queer! And each one of them lives a successful life interweaving his / her sexuality with their professional life with dignity.

 

Who all are associated with the project?

Project Bolo is produced by The Humsafar Trust in association with Solaris Pictures. It is supported with a grant from UNDP India. Producer for The Humsufar Trust is Vivek Anand and Concept & direction is by me. I have also conducted all the interviews, edited the transcripts and also designed the DVDs, book and the website. With small budget projects, one has to be a jack of all trades! Like Subhransu Das (Chintu) is our cameraman, lightman, sound recordist, still photographer and even had to lug most of the equipments!

 

What do you hope to achieve/highlight via this project?

This multi-generational, pathbreaking Indian LGBT Oral History Project also flagposts important milestones of the Indian LGBT movement from the early 60s to today – where did people meet, cruising places, the early efforts at forming groups in Mumbai and New Delhi, the first gay newsletter, the first lesbian book, uncovering historical evidence of same-sex literature and iconography, the formation of LGBT organizations and various advocacy efforts leading to the historic Delhi High Court verdict on July 2nd 2009 decriminalizing homosexuality.

I want Project Bolo to serve as an inspiration for the younger LGBT persons who are trying to come to terms with their sexuality and sexual orientation. I want to demystify and deshroud homosexuality and highlight the fact that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is not a fashion statement, but they- their hopes, happiness, anguish and agonies- are as real and human as anyone else.

I want Project Bolo to also be used as an archive, a repository for anyone doing research on Indian LGBT topics.

 

What did you look for in the persons you interviewed?

One of the first criteria is that they have to be Out & Proud as gay, lesbian or transgender person. They had to have a sense of history of the LGBT movement because they were not only telling their personal stories, but through them we are able to reconstruct the historical progress of the movement and the flagposts. The other important aspect was that everyone who agrees to become part of Project Bolo becomes part of history. They are speaking loud and clear out to the world that they are queer and there is no erasing that part of them anymore. Project Bolo is the ‘final and definitive coming out’ process. Coming out cannot be a revolving door, where one day you speak out about your sexuality and the next day you go back into the closet.

 

What were the hurdles that you faced during the project?

One of the first hurdles was finding funding for the project. I conceived this project in March 2009. It was selected as one of the 25 ‘projects for change’ from South Asia for the International Programme on LGBT Rights conducted in Stockholm by SIDA alongwith RFSU and RFSL. The project was developed in consultation with experts from UK, USA and Sweden. But the project still remained unfunded till Vivek Anand, CEO of The Humsafar Trust stepped in as Producer. He got UNDP India on board and they have been extremely supportive of LGBT issues – both health and rights – in India. They granted us a small seed fund.

However this funding was just enough to take a small crew of 3 persons to shoot the interviews. So everyone had to be a master of multi tasking! What was good about it was that it made the interviewees comfortable and the interviews intimate.

I hope that through Bolo we will be able to empower more people to come out and speak the truth.

 

Are these 20 people the only one that would be in Project Bolo or do you plan to interview more people in the future?

Vol 1 consists of 20 interviews. I plan to start working on Vol 2 which will cover interviews with LGBT persons in Kolkata and eastern India as well as Bangalore and Chennai. Some of the early footprints of LGBT activism can be found in these cities. I would love to talk to Pawan Dhall to document the making of Pravartak, the fantastic gay newsletter that used to be published in the 90s. Also talk about the first gay pride march ever in India held in Kolkata in 1999. Of course they had to call it ‘Friendship Walk’ because everything was so underground then! The mission of Project Bolo is to unearth these wonderful brave initiatives and document it as part of Indian LGBT movement history.

 

Any personality/activist you would love to interview for the Project, whom you haven’t interviewed yet?

A lesbian couple in Bombay who were part of the earliest LBT activism. They are amazing and would be able to provide a fantastic insight into the struggles of lesbian women in the 80s and 90s. They have sort of totally gone underground and quiet. I just have to charm them into talking to Project Bolo.

And I would like to interview Hoshang Merchant all over again… he is not only a laugh riot, but he has a fantasticworldview and a sense of global LGBT history with all his travels – from US to Palestine to Iran! Do you know he has actually been part of the legendary Mattachine Society meetings in the US in the late 1960s!

 

Share with us some special moments/memories while being associated with the project.

Every moment with the Bolo interviewees was magical. It was a trip down several memory lanes – from the closeted hurried encounters in parks and buses in the 60s to 80s to the first attempts at organizing in the 90s to the euphoria of liberation post reading down of Sec 377 recently- it is a rollercoaster of emotions. While Dalip Daswani’s highly charged narration of the empowering Red Rose meeting in a café in Delhi brought gooseflesh and Hoshang Mechant’s sexual dalliances on the streets of San Fransisco made me giggle, Gauri Sawant’s loss of family and her longing for her father brought tears to my eyes.

Going to Lucknow and talking to Saleem Kidwai was very special. His large old-fashioned house stocked with books and posters gave us a sense of history and culture. He has, over the years, painstakingly collected books, newspaper cuttings and photographs of writings and art on same-sex topics. It is mindboggling.

Another special moment was to meet the reclusive Giti Thadani, the first out lesbian woman in India who has also traveled the length and breadth of India documenting sculptures, paintings and murals in her amazing study of Indian same-sex iconography. She talks about how history has been modified, altered and twisted by people over the years. That is a sad testimony of the havoc wrecked by colonialization.

 

How has been the response till now?

Project Bolo has just gone live online and we are now inviting people to the website www.projectbolo.com to watch the videos, rate and comment. I want people to join the Bolo group on Vimeo at http://vimeo.com/groups/bolo/ and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Project.Bolo.LGBT to share their views and strengthen discussions.

Project Bolo will be screened at conferences and wokshops and taken to colleges and universities across India.

I want Project Bolo to become a movement towards higher visibility of LGBT persons and greater acceptance of us by the society.

Aditya Bandopadhyay being interviewed for Bolo

 

Anna Tum aaGAY Barho – Hum Tumhare Saath Hai


2011
10.17

Agnivo Niyogi writes about the lessons that lgbt community can learn from the popular agitation by social crusader Anna Hazare

For the last four months, one man has ruled our television sets and reached out to people across cities in India. Baburao Hazare popularly known as Anna has changed the course of political protests in modern Indian history. Suddenly, the urban youth, perceived as selfish and indifferent, came out to support this phenomenon. We can always debate the merits of the movement led by Mr Hazare, but we cannot take away from him the credit of revolutionizing the concept of protests.

As a member of the LGBT community, I was rather amused at the events that unfolded throughout August. Keeping aside political beliefs and the cause for which Anna stood, I definitely salute him for the mass frenzy that he created. Also, it intrigued me, could we as a community not emulate Hazare to dispel the social ostracization that we face? To this effect I jotted down the following lessons we could learn from the massive outpouring of emotions in favor of Anna Hazare:

Media

Undoubtedly, media played the most important role in creating brand Anna. With 24X7 electronic media virtually filling in for a PR medium and the constant updates on social media, Team Anna made sure people were kept abreast about their actions whether or not they wanted to.

LGBT community (or the “elite” section of it) has an effective presence on social media. From groups on Facebook to accounts on Twitter, almost every NGO working for queers can be found on the web world. India already has several online magazines with a massive reader base. Social media platforms are well used by the community. But the target audience is rather limited. Except for community members, hardly anyone is deeply involved with these pages (unless they are connected to the movement). For that matter, for many community members, online media begins and ends with socializing and dating sites.

A few days back I was watching this video on YouTube where employees at Pixar were telling their coming out stories. Why can our community not promote more such videos and views in the mainstream? If the people are unwilling to lend an ear, why can’t we scream them out of slumber?

The engagement of the queer community with mainstream electronic media is also limited to specific days like July 2. If a public opinion has to be built up, media has to be used to its optimum. I feel we are lacking to that effect.

Unity in Diversity

The divisions within the LGBT community are not unknown to any. The “manly” guys look down upon the pansies, transgenders and bisexuals are untouchables, like the mainstream society lesbian females are neglected in the queer society! Lest we forget, “Voices against 377” brought together over thirty NGOs under one umbrella. Such a unity is normally hard to come by. Here too, we have a lot to learn from Team Anna.

India Against Corruption was a motley of several NGOs bordering from the ultra left to the reactionary right. Ideological differences forgotten, they came together to fight a cause which they thought was necessary – Jan Lokpal Bill. Even in the core group, there were elements that were allegedly close to the government and some who were explicitly unwavering to any proposal that came from the enemy ranks. Maintaining such a coalition is an arduous task, which was well supported by the image that Brand Anna enjoyed among the public.

Does the battle for social and legal equality of gays have a face? Think of Nepal, Sunil Babu Pant- who also happens to be a member of parliament – represents the queer community. In India, we lack that. Instead we have a health minister who compares homosexuality to a disease bred from foreign shores. Even if we can come up with a face, can we make a show of our strength and unity?

Political & Celebrity Support

A huge cause of the apparent success of Team Anna was the constant support it received from a large section of the Bollywood celebrities, Page 3 socialites, and of course a section of the anti ruling party politicians. That immensely helped in mobilizing the campaign for the JLP. Anupam Kher, Chetan Bhagat, Arindam Chowdhury, Shekhar Kapoor had virtually become the spokespersons of the “Democratic Party of Anna”. The Ram Leela stage was used by and large by almost anyone who had a mission to fulfill – whether it was Aamir Khan or Ashoke Pandit.

The queer community does enjoy the backing of several social icons. Filmmaker Onir is himself a part of the community and has been rather active on the social sphere to promote the cause we wish to champion. That apart, celebrities like Celina Jaitley have always rendered their support whenever necessary. People like Rituporno Ghosh who enjoy a cult status in Bengal have risen over salacious gossip and inane criticism for sexuality and shown the world that he stands for what he is.

But sadly on the political front, the gay community lags far behind the Anna phenomenon. Although the last Bangalore Pride Celebrations had the blessings of Janata Dal (S), and the Left parties have always “spoken” of their support to the cause of LGBT (more from their theoretical and ideological point of view and less in practicality), most national or regional political parties go tightlipped on the issue of a legal sanction of same sex marriages. In this era of vote bank politics, hope a feeling of “Sadbhavana” brings together right thinking people together to deliver justice to the community.

Obstinacy

This may sound a bit too harsh but truth always sounds bitter. The Team Anna has been (and quite fairly) accused of obstinacy from many quarters. Refusing to budge from their position, they harped on passing the Jan Lokpal Bill (although several flaws in the legislation had been pointed out by many noted lawyers and constitutional experts; but that can be settled in some other article). And even after the temporary truce with the unanimous resolution passed by Indian parliament, Anna has queered the pitch for passage of ONLY his team’s version of the Bill sans amendments.

Should the queer community emulate him? Should we hold the whole system at ransom to get our demands passed? A legislation decriminalizing article 377 and guaranteeing legal status to same sex marriages is long pending. Is the community’s patience not thinning away? After all, United Nations has recognized LGBT rights as human rights and India is a signatory nation.

Shall Ramleela witness more leela after the highest court of the nation passes its verdict on the judgment delivered by Justice A P Shah on July 2, 2009? Time will tell.

 

 

Let Everyday be Coming Out Day


2011
10.11

-Sukhdeep Singh

October is the Coming Out Month, with 11th October being the National Coming Out Day in UK and USA. But what rather leaves me perplexed is the question, ‘Should there be a need of a special day to come out, or some auspicious time or date? Why does one need to come out at all?’ Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to go back inside closets, all I am questioning is(and may be reiterating an old thought), if straight people don’t need to explicitly say they are straight, why do I have to say it? Why can’t I let my actions or interactions do the talking, without having to shout every time?

Before you go down further (pun intended) let me warn you, that if you have not come out to even a single friend, this write-up may sound stupid. If you have come out to anyone and are comfortable in your skin, go ahead and give it a thought.

As they say, coming out is never a onetime thing. It is an ongoing process. Every day you meet new people, develop new friendships, and the other person may just assume you to be straight. So as you develop new relations, does it mean you take them out for a stroll one by one, and give out a speech telling them how your sexuality is different? No! Absolutely not! You did that when you came out for the first time to your close friend, or when you came out to your folks. Now you know that those that matter to you have accepted you, and you are as proud a person as anyone can be. Let your actions speak for yourself. So when you meet new people, stop “pretending” straight. If your head turns when a hot guy walks by, let it turn; instead of pretending that you did not notice him. Wear pink, if that is the colour of your choice, talk about Desperate Housewives, if that is the TV series you like. Stop being ashamed of your choices in the public. Someone intelligent enough should be able to get things straight. I didn’t have to personally tell my colleague who sits next to me at my office, he “figured it out” for himself. A few others in my team also have an inkling about it, so when a friend asked me, ‘Why don’t you come out to them?’ I replied, ‘I have never hidden my orientation per se. I don’t shy away from wearing a T-shirt that reads Straight?? So is Spaghetti until you heat it up to office, now do I need to give a coming out speech or what?

That exactly is my point. You don’t need to prepare a coming out speech and wait for an auspicious moment. Just be yourself and stop hiding. Let your actions speak. If your friends/colleagues still need an affirmation from you, you can very casually nod your head and if needed, point out how they missed “figuring it out” for themselves. You can live your life on a happier note this way, on your own terms. Let each day be your coming out day!