‘Hello Dear’ – 20 Gay Types On Every Gay Dating Site

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From clubs to bars, in groups to dressed in spiked up hair, skinnies or with their svelte body frames aping the crème de la crème and a fake accent too, you’d find these blokes everywhere. Worse still, on gay dating sites too! Congratulations, the world has seen it all, and I for one am sick and tired of them as well! But who am I to judge? So without much ado, here are the 20 gay types you should avoid being at all costs; if you want to be my bestie!

Hey sista! Hello Behen!

Like seriously, come on dudes- I believe gender sans the genitals, but hey, just because someone’s feminine or a bottom or a versatile for that matter, doesn’t mean he’d appreciate being called a sista! Btw its sister!
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 Only good looking guys like me

Don’t we all come across those self-proclaimed Greek Gods, showing their spiked hair, photoshopped pics and more (I dated one unfortunately online); heights of narcissism, I do not care for!
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I am not gay, I like women

Scared of bottoming or being called GAY! In your face, stop being a hypocrite. Looking for women (and I bet you don’t believe in genderless notions), you’re on the wrong page mister!
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Gays with selfies of sights and sounds

Lol, don’t we just love watching all the places you’ve been to. From the Leaning Tower of Pisa to the washrooms in downtown NYC, and that’s how I keep abreast with world politics and geography, thank you very much!

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No fatties, no fems, no aunties, no chubbies and no uncles

Such fuckers need to be thrown into a fire pit and their bodies roasted for the next billion lifetimes! Enough said!

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Only big dick men please

Hello, this is India, wake up, smell the nuts, that’s about it, go back to sleep!

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Self-proclaimed gay activists and public figures

So you have a large fan following (from fake ids) and you have slept with a million (fuck knows when and how). Congratulations- so tell me how are you helping the rainbow pride movement in India? Rainbow pride what? *poker face*

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Looking for my soulmate

Erm okay, so tell me why are you in the closet then? What about the marriage that your parents want their ‘sansakri launda’ to engage in? I am a bitch who gets blocked when I ask them what would happen to their ‘soulmate’ if asked to marry in future!

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Self-hating pricks

“I am too fat”, “I am too ugly”, “I want to die”, “why do you care”, “life is killing me”, “the buses are crowded”, “the chief minister is unwilling to give land”, “misery is my middle name”, “my ants died in my pants”, “why me why me why me”, “no one loves me”…….. and the list can go on! OH BOOOHOOO!

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In a relationship

Without sounding judgmental, why the status then is put as “looking for sex”!

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Mera pati parmeshwar

Lucky you, you found a husband and you just cannot stop talking about him. Once or twice, aww- the third time and henceforth, FUCK OFF!

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Self-righteous dickheads

Oh boy, plenty of them. “not looking for sex”, “my word over yours” or “that’s not how it goes”, they seem to do it all, know it all and what not- let’s forget them all!

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The Desi Anna Wintours

Honey, fashion is meant to adorn, and each to his own. Even if you are a fashion student or a designer, sell your crap couture talks elsewhere; each to their own, remember!

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Absolutely new here

Yawn! New profile maybe, not new you. Seen you a billion times with your photoshopped pics and selfies; old wine, new bottle, and I wonder what else!

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I am a virgin

Congrats, the gay world is saved from a ‘frictionless-anal-penetration’ saga henceforth, all thanks to your batooti being tight!

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I hate drama

Good for you! But one word against your thought process and the social media updates are flabbergasting to read!

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Meryl Streep to Gaga lovers

Seriously, don’t insult those icons flaunting their style and their talks through your personality- what ever happened to individualism and being yourself?

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I am 25………. For the past 25 years

Gays never seem to age!

laughSugar babies

Only uncle type lover wanted, someone to care for me (read: pay my bills)

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The NRI

May have studied abroad or could have visited cousins in another country; has pics to prove it. But calls himself an NRI because he carries a bottle of Bisleri everywhere he goes. The NRI brandishes others as “ugly suburbans”

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Rohan Noronha

Rohan Noronha

A bohemian at heart, wild child by nature, Rohan A H Noronha speaks to the soul and spirit of many through his writings. Quirky, incandescent, blunt yet polite, styling the less-fortunate and writing is a passion deep rooted and a second-self to him
Rohan Noronha