Ever since I can remember I was always attracted to guys of other nationalities and races.   I guess I got through to my 40’s without realising why.

I was in London.  17.  My friends were at a matinee theatre show.  I wanted to see a different show (that was only on in the evening).  So I was walking around near the hotel filling in time.   A guy in a black Mercedes flashed his headlights at me.   I circled back.  He wound down his window.  I said “What are you up to?” He said, “Just looking for a guy or a girl to spend time with.”

Anyway, we walked to my hotel, and I had my first real experience with a guy.  He was older than me – perhaps in his 30’s.  We kissed, and lay on the bed.  I sucked him.  And he asked if I had any lube.  I didn’t know what he meant (it was my first time).  But I got the idea that he wanted to fuck me, and needed something to make it easier.  I grabbed shampoo from the bathroom.  So the first time was so amazing, but it hurt like hell for a few days (yeah, I learnt not to use shampoo as lube the hard way).

It was 1983 – and neither of us had condoms (and yes, it was the start of the AIDS crisis – so I had heard about AIDS – but had no idea what it was about).  All the information we got was from newspapers and TV – and there was nothing to educate a young gay boy exploring his life what it was all about.  Just that it was a “gay cancer”.  Not like the internet now – where anything you want to know (and more) is available anywhere, anytime.

So far in this story, I have lost my virginity – but I don’t think I have made it clear why I like “foreign boys”.  

So when I started dating, I dated a couple of white Australian guys.  It was OK.  Then a Scottish guy.  Then a few other Italians, Greeks, Lebanese and so on.   I had a decent long relationship with a Norwegian guy.  When I fell for a Syrian guy, I guess I started to feel more like it was what I was most comfortable with. But why was that?

So by this time I am in my early 40’s. I guess that’s when I realised the physical attraction to “brown skinned” guys was linked to my first gay encounter – with that Saudi Arabian guy in London.  But it was more than that.  

The initial experience I had was very submissive, taking orders, doing what he wanted.  And I guess that’s how I related the rest of my sexual awakening – and how I continued.   Yes I have topped, but I was always most comfortable pleasing the guy – being a bottom to the top.  But perhaps also emotionally.  My needs were secondary.  His were paramount.

So flash back to when I was about to turn 48.  I had it all.  Flying First Class – multi million dollar home – dream job with him.  On holiday with my Syrian BF in Spain.  I decided that enough was enough.  I was a person too – I wouldn’t be defined by him or his whims.   But I was still a worthy person – worthy of respect.  And that’s the thing that’s non negotiable.

So yes, I am attracted to guys with dark skin, and sexually I am a submissive bottom.  But not at any cost.  My self respect is incredibly important.  

I hope you are able to work out how and why you are attracted to the people you are attracted to – and how your needs and emotions can be cared for, nurtured and respected.