Love and Its Complexities

Lack of social support leads to break up in gay relationships, says Ryan P

Is love too different in the gay world? Ironical as it is, the quest for an answer to this question plagues not just the proverbial straight world but the denizens of the gay planet as well. As someone who has had as many as 5 (well, almost) relationships in the last 3 years, I’m surely no authority on love. My understanding of the love in the ‘straight’ sense is mostly derived from movies and a pre-high-school crush – a girl who I knew was never meant to be in the first place.

The things that have influenced the way I love and the way I wish to project it or express it include the inability to say ‘I love you’ to many of my crushes in school and college. As a gay man, I did not have the privilege to bring a stash of roses to the man of my dreams and propose him in front of my class. This pessimistic approach to love hindered my ability to express it to people I lived with and at the same time it gave surfing for hot guys on gay social networks a totally new meaning – ‘Have I seen this guy before?’ ‘Is he not the one who works in the next building?’ ‘I wish I spot that hot guy I saw in MG road here in PR today’.

Every person, gay straight or any other colour of the rainbow, has the instinctive need to be loved. We might end up giving different names to it – someone to talk to, someone cares for me, but the feeling is there and it knocks us down when we feel lonely.

It is very easy for a gay couple to breakup. Consider the straight world where most people know about the two of you, all your friends are common friends and in a few lucky cases your parents know about your lover. In short, there is a whole social structure that builds up around you and your lover which props up the relationship in times of trouble.

You have the privilege to tell your friends on Facebook that ‘She was a bitch, I hate her so much right now!’ and invariably someone would mediate between the two of you and things will get back to normal (after a few slaps and a bucket load of sorry cards laced with roses of course). This is not how it happens in the gay side of the planet (at least till the time you’re in your closet). People come to know about your crashed episode of love when you show up at the next gay party with someone else or worse – all alone! If you are lucky you would have a lot of supportive gay friends who would come to your rescue and talk you out of it or get the two of you to be together again – not many of us are so lucky. The social pressure that is instrumental in bringing a straight couple together is non-existent in a same sex relationship.

I wish I could end this article by giving you a brilliant insight into love. I wish I could say something that would end all your miseries in the love department. I wish I could give you quick fix suggestions on how to bring him back to you. Sad as it is, the truth is I’m in the quest of those answers as well. So, till next time, enjoy the moments that you have (and be sure to always use a condom while you’re at it).