Karan Sood talks about why and how does a relationship turn with time
There was a king who made love to his mistress, behind his wife. And one day, the betrayal landed up in front of the Queen. He did everything to save his marriage. But for whom? Love, family or Society?
As most people perceive, gay relationships does not involve much role of society (unless you are out to your circle) and family (unless you adopted a child, both being a rare thing in typical Indian society). So, love is all it takes to hold their relationship. But, why would someone have a physical relationship with some other guy, unless he is not happily committed with his partner?
“We are not much connected with one another anymore.”
“I thought he too is seeing someone else.”
“Even after months of commitment, he never satisfied me.”
And, the list goes on when one had to blame his partner for the betrayal he devised. But, this story doesn’t hold a bad partner. What if they were happily committed for say a year, and then someday, he did it. He had sex with someone else.
Should he be courageous to tell his partner that he did so, or should he hide it from him? Will his partner forgive him or is it the “The End” of their love story?
It isn’t an easy thing, i.e. being faithful in a gay relationship. There is continuous churning of emotions in and around, that too when most can’t drop those emotions to the people living around them. The kind of relationship I am talking about are all serious relationships. Relationships that hold soul mates theorem, relationships that are beyond parties and post parties, those selfless relationships that everyone desires at a time in life, but unfortunately couldn’t meet up the requirements.
What does a relationship actually require? Why and how it turns with time? And finally what matters in the end? That’s all I will talk about. I may sound subjective over emotions but the subject actually needs that delicate treatment under strong shoulders.
Is love all that is needed? Definitely not. Because love is never a need but an outcome of our needs. You need to be cared, and that might someday turn into love. You desire cuddling, kissing, holding, you need someone to understand you, hold you when you need, and be faithful to you, that makes you to love him or her.
But, do you realize how risky are your needs? Have you ever seen any advertisement of mutual funds? They generally start with a line saying, “Mutual funds investments are subject to market change, please read the documents carefully before investing.” Relationships too hold the same funda. It’s not a personal bond, but a mutual one that too subjected to market change. And reading the person is as important as reading those documents. And we read our counterpart to have their care, faith, trust and finally love. Risks are always involved- risk of being hurt, being betrayed, or hurting the other person. The market (circumstances, emotions) is always changing, and it’s always up to you how long you will hold the investment in the funds (or relationship), irrespective of the crunches visible in the market.
Relationships these days do start on bed (couch-toilets-cars-etc), but that should and can never be the first document to be read, and if done, the relationship will surly won’t last long. Remember, market change is never in our hand.
As relationship ages, love grows, but it also witness the differences you both hold, which may range from food to positions, ideologies to expressions. There always comes a time when you think you can’t take it anymore, and as in a gay relationship you aren’t bonded legally to be together, the thoughts of break up may conquer your mind. You may plan a betrayal, you may sleep with someone else, but remember what matters in the end? A click of a second, and parts of wounded emotions create a trauma leaving behind the pages you both wrote together for your present and future. A wrong stitch may ruin everything you have knit for years. But, giving a chance in love is always feasible.
And you know what matters in the end? It’s that he makes you happy out of anything and everything. Remember, this moment is momentary, life’s way far beyond this.
The King indeed loved her wife (I know you may not agree), he obviously loved his family, and for the Kings, the society mattered a lot. And, among all that he chose happiness. And, he did all to regain it.
- Coming Out To A Brother - March 7, 2014
- What Matters In The End? - January 3, 2013