More than a year ago, on 16th Sept 2017, I was in a completely different stage of life. It was my 1st surgery (mastectomy) and it was the 1st time I was going to get admitted in the hospital. Before the surgery I had done some research about the doctor who was going to operate me. When I met him for the first time, he showed me the results of other patients on whom he had performed the surgery and all the results that he showed were good. But I knew that the he will be performing a new technique on me, and at the same time I had heard bad reviews about him. Since I didn’t have any option, I spoke to my family doctor about him. He explained to me that every doctor that you will meet will have good and bad reviews and no one is going to give you 100% results, it can differ from person to person but you cannot judge him on bad reviews as he won’t do it intentionally because getting good results also matters for his image, his skills are reflected from that so he will obviously try his best. And so I decided to get operated by him.
I still remember on the day of surgery there was a very different situation at my home. Everyone was tensed because I had told them that I was going to get operated today and going to complete my 1st step of SRS. My mom was going to be with me at the time of the surgery. Everyone except my grandma home knew about my surgery. I was never able to gather enough courage to tell her, so I told my parents to tell her.
I was not allowed to drink or eat anything after 12am of 15th Sept. I woke up and got ready for the surgery. On the way to the hospital, I asked if my grandmom had been told about the surgery. She replied in the affirmative, but said, “She is not convinced. She doesn’t want you to go through this surgery. She wants you, in fact we all want you, to live your life as a female.” Then as always I told my mom that I can’t do that and it’s not my choice. It is the way I am born.
Once we reached the hospital we had to fill some consent forms and my mother had to sign it, but she was super worried and so was I. I had mixed feelings at that time. I was excited, nervous and scared, all at the same time. I knew my mom will be tensed so I had already called my friend to come and be with her, to explain her more about transition. When my operation was completed I was shifted to my room and got discharged on the same day.
When I reached home every one there was silent. No one asked me anything. No one even asked if I was fine or not. Somewhere I felt bad and lonely at that time. However, I calmed myself down, telling myself that I knew this would happen and I need to give them some time. After a few days every thing became normal, but they still call me with my old name and female pronouns. May be it will take them more time to changes and I want to give them that time.
Today I have completed one year of my surgery and I am happy about my decision. I did have complications after surgery and had to get operated again in January to resolve the complications, but what matters the most is that I am happy today and seeing my happiness my parents are happy for me too.
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