A Gay Boy’s Sad Tale

Sad TeenI do not know where do I start from, today I had one of the most horrible days in my life and the reason- I am gay. I am born in Calcutta and did my higher studies from Bombay, and while growing up, I started writing. I wrote for some of the big publications in India and abroad too. Then, I was in college when I got inclined towards fashion journalism, as it happened by chance and more so because fashion gave a new space, where people in my professional field respected my sexual orientation. 

I covered Lakme Fashion Weeks and Dubai Fashion Week, and somehow everywhere I went I felt fashion accepts gay people more than any corporate field. I am 23 years old and like every other guy, I do feel a need for love and companionship and acceptance from society. Today, I feel like crying and relieving my heart, but I am pretending to be strong, as I am a guy, I should be strong. Today,someone abused me because I am gay. Well, long story short, I was homesick about Calcutta, living all alone in Bombay. 

Bombay’s luxuries life and all other glittery still made me miss home. So, once I finished my Graduation in English Literature in 2012 and did some writing work for a year, I felt I should do my Masters from Calcutta and re-unite to my roots. I knew this guy called Sona Kunda, as he used to come to the same gym where I worked out in Calcutta, many years back, when I was in school. 

Just on Friday, I was cycling in morning as sometimes I do, and this guy saw me in the road and started chatting up, and I have realized that in Calcutta or cities where LGBTI awareness is less, people somehow get attracted to me and never relalise that it is actually an attraction, sometimes it’s non-sexual. To be honest, being gay doesn’t give you friends, most people who come near me is because of the little success that I have achieved being a freelance journalist since last 9 years, I took the pen and I loved words as human beings dejected me by calling me gay. So, I gave my love for printed words.

This guy, Sona too came near me for the same reason, he apparently purposefully, came close to me and told me about his plans to live in Mumbai and how he needs Rs. 40 lakhs (read asking for) and he can even murder someone for that. Well I took that as a joke, because sometimes I have seen (read rarely) that some young boys speak like that. Then, he indirectly sought my help as I have many connections in Bombay, and forced me to exercise with him and took me to gym and latter to salon and his house. And I am such a guy, I do not force straight men to have sex with me. I always go for consensual sex and I do not believe in making gay people straight or straight people gay, I respect people’s identity. 

This guy, Sona told me that how he is supposed to get Rs. 40 lakhs just by being with some women (Simran) for 2 years, and Sona said he can absolutely do anything to get Rs. 40 lakhs, even it is to be with any middle-aged rich woman, apparently I do not know what he meant by all that he said to me. Well,sounds strange, but people somehow sometimes tell weird stuffs with me, I hate it, as I am not a counsellor and not someone who can be dumped with all emotional garbages of other people. I am not interested in him, nor had any sexual desire for him and neither did I have anything for him or something. 

Well, he called me at 7.22pm on Friday when I was studying and I did not answer his call, also as my cell was in silent mode, I had an
Entrance Exam for Masters in Fashion Management on Saturday noontime. I messaged him around 10pm when I went for dinner “Studying dear. Take Care” and did some revisions and slept to wake up early with fresh mind and study again. Around 12am, some girl named Simran called me and woke me up from my sleep and started arguing and insulting me that I sent Sona messages which she does not find appropriate and she went on to be more abusive, I told her to mind her own business and told her 12am is not the time to call any decent person and kept the phone, trying to sleep. Well, latter that night Sona abused me in several sms that “I was not calling u it was by mistake i m not even interested to see u as u r gay so try someonle else u defective peice u gay” and Simran wrote to me “stop disturbing n who is defective u know better then me go n ask ur parents baby. Now u will suffer u defective piece”

Well, my simple msg “Studying dear. Take Care” can be misinterpreted like this as a flirting message, and well in Bombay in parties, we kiss friends, and we air kiss, and we say – baby, sweetheart, honey, love, sweets, dear, and the likes to almost anyone we meet in parties and in social gatherings. Well, then this guy Sona harassed me by calling me so many times, I hardly answered his call, because I had to concentrate on my studies. I finished Exam and then went for a movie. I was returning home, when I was in a cycle rickshaw and this guy Sona chased me, and put up a big fight in the street,calling me gay and what not!!! He looks like a goon, and is not well educated and hardly speaks English. 

For a moment, I felt like hitting him back, as he held my bag, and showing him that ‘decency is not someone can take for granted’ but I fought up with a battle of words. Well, when he could not win the argument, he started abusing me as ‘gay’ and what not. Well, is ‘gay’ an
abuse??? And there were people all around who made a circle, few said to stop, most of them were watching some ‘tamasha’ of a gay guy being harassed out in the road. He had only one thing to say, that since I was gay, I was a “defective piece” and all kinds of meaningless abuses.

It was horrible for me, as I feel people should respect everyone irrespective of their sexual orientation. Sona kept on abusing me as gay and went on, I had to tell my rickshaw guy to move on, whom Sona started hitting. Sona almost hit me too, but I controlled myself and did not hit him back. Well, am I to cry or to defend myself in a nation, where a gang of boys rape a girl and she dies, and again someone rapes a 5-year old child, and here in Calcutta a gay boy, who is respected and freelances for the most circulated English daily in Eastern India, still goes through this kind of harassment. 

And why??? Because I am Gay!!! Well, when I came home, I was shattered, here I was in love with Calcutta and everyone in Calcutta tells me, I should stay here and help in Calcutta’s growth! Well, in this kind of way, I will be insulted in the road and homo-phobic people will watch it like ‘tamasha’ inthe road. Once, I came home, I told my Mom, and she called Sona and told him in clear Bengali, not to come to our house or contact us in anyway,anytime anywhere. He is circulating our numbers to bad people (his friends I guess), also in internet and facebook and other sites I got many disturbing calls from unknown numbers and again harassment  And I still feel like crying, this is the city which I love and I feel like contributing and helping it grow and how I am treated,or a nation as whole, how badly we are treated. 

I am a budding journalist,I studied in English medium school, I lived in Bombay, was born in a metro like Calcutta, and I am exposed to many things that many other gay boys in villages do not get, yet I am abused in public like this. Well, I feel like dying, so often I feel suicidal for this reason. Well, when will we get our rights to live freely? Why do we Gay men have to take so much pain and suffering? We are humans too, we deserve same human rights. I have tears in my eyes, and somehow it has dried now. This is a gay boy’s story in our big democracy like India, a shockingly sad tale indeed!!!

PS:  I seek some professional help, can we take legal actions against this guy for being so nasty???
          And please let me have a Counselling as I am in Calcutta, I am in quite some trauma now.
          Or can you please connect me to someone you know in Calcutta who can help in someways too.

14 comments

  1. WickG

    Moral of the story: Please, even in the passing, don’t ever address anyone as ‘baby’
    Also your the writing is holed with grammatical errors. Please proofread before publishing!
    Oh! SK, you must be really shaken, but unfortunately the only legal action that can be taken against that guy is for assault. And he will be out before you can say three. Do you really want him coming after you post that? I mean he seems to be the king of guy who’d kill for anything. So take care. Weigh the pros and cons of any action you take.

  2. Anish Ghosal

    I clearly understand your situation….i can surely help you out…..u cn just buzz me at +91 97346 25656 & thn i will share the nos.
    I m currently undergoing a psychological counselling at DANA, Jodhpur Park, SOuth Kolkata but I intend to shift somewhere. The details will b divulged on fone…

    til then, tc, byeeeee

    dnt lose heart……everythng will b alryte…i knw Kolkatans r still homophobic & they hv a conservative mindset unlike other metros. U just need to b patient..

  3. Nakshatra

    Now I really do not understand why people crib about others comments if they can’t take a stance?
    We can never cure 100% homophobia anyway! ‘Defective’ is the word also used for handicapped people and ladies or men who are physically not so fit. I am no where trying to support whatever has happened but people should start learning how to move on from such comments. If you can’t take stance or be PROUD of Yourself and let things go then you surely gonna get depressed. First accept yourself comfortably! The moment when you’ll do it you won’t care what others say cuz’ you know that YOUR ARE NOT DEFECTIVE.
    If you have courage stop that person and tell him that you are perfect and proud of yourself and also it doesn’t matter what he thinks about you?..If not then…Why to give importance to some people who don’t even matter in your life?
    I faced many such comments from my own people (in your case he was random) but rather than complaining I decided to stand for myself and for the word ‘PRIDE’. I just told myself one thing..
    ”I AM NOT ON THIS EARTH TO PLEASE ANYONE”.

    You really need professional help, wishing you a speedy recovery. Be proud of yourself!

  4. Ritu Kapadia

    Sou, this is so disgusting. I am hurt! How could someone do that? :/ I can’t say much but only one thing, you take care and have faith in yourself. Just keep being the awesome human being you’ve been and rest will all fall in place.

    Hugs

  5. chanakya

    I indeed find such incidences happening more and more also in in many big cities, you have done absolutely nothing wrong to kill yourselves. please take help from the suicide helpline available in kolkotta as well as bangalore support group. dont just lose heart due to one incident, i am sure time will heal everything.

  6. Gay Guy from delhi

    That’s horrible. That person and company should be hauled off to the local precinct by the scruff of the neck and booked for assault, and hauled up before court. And be shamed in the papers. It’ll take some doing, but you should do it. Consult your people. And yes, you do need good advice and support.

  7. adrian mak

    Dearest Frnd and dearest brother,,

    it z sad understand that whn a person tries 2 tk lead of a person who zn trouble, wl i m very moved by ur story and i wish 2 stand by ur side as ur Big brothr. u no wt nowdays u should not trust any 1 , but dont worry remmbr God loves each 1 of us, but its difficult 2 mk things work ., i m glad dat u hv atleast loll of thing ur education, work keep it up my sweet sweet brothr
    put ur trust in god & evvrything work good 4 u ok , my name & actual name & contct z secret it wl revealed 2 u soon once v get in touch ok

    okokok

    lov u lollls

    urs brothr

    God bless u

    tk car

  8. Druva

    Hmmm… Its ok dear friend. Always remember in your life in good and bad times, “this time’ll not be permanent”. I’m sure that we gay people’l find good time soon.. With love.

  9. I can relate my friend. I recently came out to 3 friends, and all three of them had the ‘unnatural sex’ argument as the first response. Though they did accept me, and it’s all normal between us, every now and then I have to battle these arguments about procreative ability, morality and perversion. It might take another 200 years for people to come to their senses. But, meanwhile we have each other to help, console and have fun with. The biggest regret I have about being gay is that I can’t talk about handsome guys I see with my friends. You, being in the fashion industry must have some gay friends. Focus your mind on them, let the pathetic low lives who have a rusted nail for a moral compass go to hell. Hope this cheers you up :). Plus I hope you read this, considering how late my comment is :). Peace

  10. eric potter aka eric bishop-potter

    This truly is a sad story. I would suggest that Sad Boy read a book titled Jimmy, Mrs Fisher and Me, which concerns Simon Sixsmith, a 17-year-old homosexual and his experiences on London’s meat rack. Simon’s attitude to his homosexuality will, I am sure, help Sad Boy come to terms with life – and give him a good laugh at the same time.

  11. eks

    It seems to me that you left yourself vulnerable to this guy through your effeminate behaviour. You really need someone to teach you how to stand up for yourself.

    Also, be very careful regarding the words you use, especially in writing. When writing to strangers, avoid using words like “baby”, “dear”, “I love you”, etc. I am really surprised that people I have met casually on the road for a few minutes can send me text messages using such words. Why are you so “utterly, butterly” desperate to show your love for complete strangers?

    Watch TV channels like Discovery or National Geographic, where they show predatory animals like lions hunting their prey. How does the lion identify which deer to attack within the herd of deer? The lion looks at all the deer one by one; from experience it spots a deer that looks like a possible victim (that deer looks lame, weak, etc.), and then it stalks that deer and then gets it. People are like that too. Everywhere you go, there are human predators observing the herd of people walking past them, identifying a likely victim, and then stalking them. That’s what this guy did. From his experience, he spotted you as a likely victim (you looked soft, weak and easy to manipulate), and he approached you. And you felt flattered because he approached you! You even boast that many people approach you like this. That was your FIRST mistake.

    UNDERSTAND THIS: There are very few people who approach you because they have something useful to give you. Most people who approach you do so because they want to take something from you. This is one of the most important of life’s lessons that you can learn.

    Do an online search on “psychology of the victim”, and learn how you can stop being a victim.

  12. Neil

    Of course there is some legal action u can take. Like if u launch a court case against him on the basis of tarnishing of one’s personal dignity. And if u want a person to open urslf u can mail me. i dont mind

  13. caroline

    hey,
    Sorry to hear about your story, you must be really shaken!
    But these people Sona and Simran, they sound pretty messed up! and messed up people like them.. well life will teach them lessons rather sooner than later! it won’t make it right for what they have done to you, but it will feel good ;-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>