Coming Out of the Closet

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– Rohan Noronha

What I have come to realize is that every mind has a unique shape. There are no two minds that are alike, so labeling someone as crazy is just UNFAIR. Yes, the debate on whether we should or should not come out of the closet remains an individualistic choice, it differs from person to person and depends on the socio background one hails from.

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For centuries homosexuality has been prevalent, and it is sad to see just because one falls under the so called ” QUEER ” category, one has to fend for themselves through whatever sphere of life. Hell no! Times have changed and so have the governments and the society that we live in, so why not be ready to face with pride who you are and show the world that it wouldn’t make you less of a man or a woman or an individual just because you do not follow the rat race.

Coming out is a confusing time for many people, trust me guys, it was ever so confusing for me, not because I was afraid because I live my life my way, but because I had tons of questions to answer myself before I could go out and answer the so called society!

Accepting your sexuality (or coming out to yourself) can bring about a number of fears. Will your family or friends stop loving you? Will you ever get married or have children? Will you be discriminated against or made fun of?

Yes, I finally did come out to my family and friends, and I especially thank a close confidante who is everyone to me , a sister I always wish I had , a friend who was always there and a motivator who was God sent.

My parents always wondered why I would never talk about women, as in girl friends, or why I was so interested in knowing more about gays and lesbians. It is but natural, because as a boy touches adolescence, apart from his physical maturity and emotional maturity, his views on the opposite sex hails from different angles.

I spoke to my parents about it and made it very clear to them that it was natural and not a disease or a mental disorder for someone being of an alternate sexual choice and trust me, that let the cat out of the bag. Dad and Mom realized that yes there was a little angel in their house who loved men more than women, or should I say ONLY men.

That night I also jokingly told Dad, that he needn’t worry anymore, since his desire of a daughter is now fulfilled (don’t get me wrong am not a cross dresser nor an effeminate nor a transvestite), since one of his sons is a man lover now.

One by one, I started disclosing my identity on sexuality to my family members, yes, many were shocked, however once they saw me take my own stand in this so called world of straight people, I gathered my courage from their love and till date I am proud of them and the support they gave.

Families one hails from may not be very accepting in the beginning but they only shun the acceptance thinking about what would the WORLD say or what would SOCIETY talk about and whether their child is going to be accepted by the world or not, because true to the fact our parents are not going to be living with us all our lives. Hence when our parents see us fear anything, whatever it might be, the natural protective instinct of a parent comes into play, however, if you go right ahead and show your parents or the family, that you are willing to live bravely with the oddities you may encounter, the trust and confidence in you goes high and families start accepting you sooner than later.

Remember nothing is impossible to conquer, its only fear that we need to crush beneath our feet and trudge along with faith in ones heart. Sure, some gay people experience rejection when they come out, but many also find a loving and accepting support system, leading to a fulfilling gay lifestyle. Even so, happiness starts from within. And getting to know yourself is a key part of the process.

Though being gay doesn’t define you, just as straight life doesn’t define the so called straights; it is a new part of your life. You can still be the same person you’ve always been, but take some “me” time to evaluate your transition. You don’t have to become a complete hermit, but concentrate on your own well being and feelings. This will make you stronger, more confident and sure of yourself. Learn as much as you can about yourself and what YOU want your gay lifestyle to be.

Take a personal inventory of your life. Write down any anger, resentments, fears and guilt that you may have about your existing life. Don’t forget the positive characteristics that also make you who you are today. Once you’ve done that, list your life goals, priorities and the things that make you happy (getting married to your partner, adopting children, being single, enjoying nature, art, dancing, etc.). What you are identifying is what kind of person you want to be.

This may seem like a silly exercise at first, but will be beneficial in the long run. Forgive yourself for any anger, resentment and guilt you may have for yourself and others and concentrate on your positive qualities. Create a new life for yourself by shaping it around your new life goals. Even as a gay person these things are possible! Yes it is . Trust me on that.

Rohan Noronha

Rohan Noronha

A bohemian at heart, wild child by nature, Rohan A H Noronha speaks to the soul and spirit of many through his writings. Quirky, incandescent, blunt yet polite, styling the less-fortunate and writing is a passion deep rooted and a second-self to him
Rohan Noronha