Skills and Wills – A Dating Issue

Same-sexYes!!! a majority of first impressions do make a long lasting impression. So, the next time you come back from a date don’t keep staring at your cell phone for a text message or a call, waiting for the significant better to call back telling you how amazing it was with you around, and the moments he spent exchanging glances or whispering sweet nothings into your ears.

Let’s get one thing straight my friends, life is real and not a fairy tale but hey, who said MAGICK cannot happen? Have you noticed the way I spelt out MAGICK? The “K” stands for KNOWLEDGE. Yes, after all that’s the key which could make or break the moment of truth towards forging a long term relationship from that initial spark of the wide toothed smile or the instant sparkle of the eye.

So what do you say? Shall we delve a little deeper into the MAGICKAL world of knowing in real time what would work and what would not for you, remember time is less and you have to start acting now, because it is NOW or Keep Waiting. (LOL) I knew you were expecting me to write NOW OR NEVER. Anyways, if you take me as a friend and close confidante, let me help you make that initial first impression. Trust me that you’ll see your lover swoon over you, as if a spell has been cast onto their souls and they have been bound eternally for time to make you both one.

Now, I am not going to be the glossy cover magazine agony aunt or uncle types and give you jazz about what you should be doing and what you shouldn’t be doing. Nor, am I going to hear you speak on how it failed or how terrible it was, lest I walk down to your premises and smack your bare butt with a whip ( KINKY ain’t it). What I want to help you with is through experience that I gained with my own ways and through what works and worked for me and others, irrespective of what the end results were, three or even ten years down the line.

Seriously, if this article were to be written a few years ago we would have had such a revolt, but hell now is the time we brothers and sisters in arms are out in the open and ready to enjoy our lives to the fullest. Yes LGBT Dating is out and full throttle. Ahem! No pun intended, but it’s in full swing so go right out there and flaunt your charm. So ladies and gentlemen, read on and yes you’re most welcome in advance.

Be selective

What is the idea of dating him today? Is it with the hope of a long term bonding or is it that you’re looking for a casual fling or maybe a one night stand. Get your stand right. There was a time when a friend of mine went on a date with this guy who was in town on business and at the very first instant they started talking about SEX, and before we knew ITCHY and SCRATCHY were tearing each other apart!!! Woah!!! Do you think that was a successful date, I would say NO it was not, for the simple reason, because my friend was looking at a long term relationship with this guy who he would speak to every night over the phone (mind you he had a humungous bill) only to find out that the dude he was courting long distance over the phone was in town to spend Valentine’s with him. “WOW” is what you would have said. So did I and believe me I was envious that my friend was lucky to find someone who actually kept his word, flew across the country and took time out from his busy schedule. However, it ended up as a one night stand, because the prince charming was not honest about his feelings for this friend of mine and my friend was unable to express his love over the phone and thought that by giving into sexual needs, his love would be expressed better, which ultimately did not happen and the rest is history. Investing a little time in searching for THE ONE is a small price to pay. Right?

Do not distract … attract!

Tonight is the night! You’re going out on a date. These include being prepared – both physically and mentally, for the event. Dress up appropriately and project an image worth respecting. Trust me, you would not want to be dressed as a butterfly, even if you are a cross dresser by choice. Learn to respect the other person’s decision to be presentable for him as he is someone who loves you and love, after all, is for caring and sharing, is it not? By dressing one must remember to dress for the occasion. Just because it is Valentine’s and your favorite super hero wore red and pranced around does not mean you would look gorgeous in it. Look around, do your bit of homework, slog a little to find out secretively his favorites and choices, after all, again, tonight is the night when two become one.

Talk, but don’t talk your head off

The basic talking and listening skills apply likewise. Avoid talking about negative, tragic or miserable past experiences during the early dating stages. NOBODY wants to date a whiner. I have personally walked out of three dates to get an aspirin for myself. Why? Because he just would not stop going ‘Booo hooo! SOB! SOB!’ “He was this and he did that and the world crashed and the buses were crowded and my underwear is too tight and why me? O why me?”  You got the point I hope. (Sigh)

Listen with true interest

Don’t you dare to bring that plastic smile or the raising of an eyebrow to show “O wow! How interesting” expressions, because you know the face mirrors the taste. Also, avoid talking about your stigma on being gay. Hello? This is not news to him. The last thing you want to discuss with him, especially on a first date, is how difficult gay dating and gay relationships can be. Instead, talk about worthwhile topics such as common interests, values and prevailing motivators. Try to sustain interest and enthusiasm in each other for the first few encounters. Talk about your field of work (not how irritating your co workers or managers are, unless in extremely good humorous taste). Talk about the last movie and what different could have been done to make it much more interesting. Dudes, there are plenty of things to talk about, than just speaking CRAP.

Bring your wallet

Don’t be a moocher. Offer to foot the bill at least by a half, so what if he called you out on a date. Be prepared. If you guys are trying out a new restaurant, it’s always better to have extra cash for any surprises. Also, you don’t know how the night will turn out. You can end up leaving him or him leaving you, so ensure that you can always get back home with or without him. He did not come there as a chauffeur or a sugar daddy, but as a friend who would want to know you better and I am sure this is not the GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER impression you want to give, especially on your first date.

Bring a gift

If you’re having a dinner date at his place, bring a bottle of wine, a book he casually mentioned that he liked and has been looking for, food to compliment what you’ll be eating or anything that would make him feel that the dinner date is appreciated. Bring a simple and non-committal gift. (No perfumes, no deodorants, no UNDERWEARS, no sex toys, no porn, and NO ALCOHOL)

To ask or not to ask?

Ok, you REALLY like him, but does he feel the same way about you? Of course you can ask him out or casually ask about his plans for next weekend but don’t push. But, if you’re sure he likes you back and want to lead this time, by all means, ask him out!

Delay gratification, that is, sexual gratification

The question really here is. Do you like this guy FOR NOW or FOREVER? Ok, wait. Let me put it in a better way for you. Do you want Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. If you’re looking for your lifetime partner, chances are, it would be better to delay having sex. The rule of thumb is no sex for the first three dates. Ouch! Do consider this. (It works because SEX is not between your legs and certainly not a foundation to begin with).

Bring a condom

Ok, I’m not contradicting myself; it is always best to wait. But when the waiting is done and you guys are now sure you want to take the relationship to a higher level, do practice safe sex after your hot date!

So my honey bunnies have a rollicking time and yes I pray that you find the one you love this time around.