1. Organises conferences and panel discussions where half the crowd is from their own NGO/group.
  2. Shares information on 10 email DLs which has the same 100 people.
  3. NGO activists complain how no one else is ready to do on ground work all the while squatting on any little space available, Non ngo activists keep complaining how these NGOs are diluting the queer activism.
  4. Speaks of inclusion and class oppression at Pride committee meeting, then goes for a drink at The Park.
  5. Gives a speech on why corporate sponsorship cannot be allowed at Pride, wearing a Levi’s jeans, Rolex watch, Polo Tee, and Davidoff Cool Water perfume.
  6. Opposes corporate sponsorship, but has no problem accepting money from corporate employees
  7. Speaks against marriage equality but secretly hopes to get married and “settled” with someone.
  8. Gets pissed off when you talk about queer women! Thinks gender discrimination does not exist in the progressive LGBT circle
  9. Quotes Foucault and Simone de Beauvoir, but stares blankly if you mention Khusrau, Sharmad, or Bulley Shah!
  10. Has never heard of Jamali-Kamali, but swears by William Dalrymple.
  11. Thinks any other activist that gives a speech in Hindi is aspiring to “neta giri”!
  12. Lives modestly in a flat in Saket/Hauz Khas/Bandra, acquired from the proceeds of activism
  13. Believes that the pinnacle of activist career is to be invited by Arnab Goswami for a ‘debate’ with Father Dominique and Ahmed Farooqui.
  14. Is non communal, but supports “Kinnar Akhadas” as they allow cultural emancipation of transgenders
  15. Is against the fascist BJP, but has no problem if his NGO is funded by XYZ ministry.
  16. Is privately thrilled that hijras are becoming kinnars, and shunning the mughal/muslim tag.
  17. Will prove that they belong to every repressed minority group just to get an invitation to a conference abroad!
  18. Every conversation you have with them will find its place in a thesis, a paper or a book, an article soon to be published with a confusing title!!
  19. Will get all “political” and then post selfies with and gush about celebrities who think and promote “apolitical”
  20. Will say personal is political and then support sexist rituals like ‘Karvachauth’ as personal expressions of love.
  21. Will scream subaltern on social media and then unwind over elitist conversations in a posh cafe and silently judge each other’s wardrobe with a mental note to trounce the other’s atrocious/trashy dressing sense in “closer circles” that are very “political”
  22. Will take it on themselves to speak on behalf of the entire community and all identities but declare ‘you have to go through it to understand how I feel!’ while countering adverse situations!
  23. Will always claim to be first of its kind. For example, first homosexual gay professor ! .. Will always have virginity syndrome.
  24. Will seek funds under the garb of making healthcare accessible to disadvantaged MSM but would spend it in piecemeal amount and that too by outsourcing it through numerous small NGOs with unsustainable terms & conditions.
  25. Hedges his activist career by simultaneously being a child rights, environmental, dalit, and/or animal rights activist too.
  26. Will disparage and abuse other activists for incompetence/negligence/insincerity but will bitch about them not helping out when he’s fired from his job for the Nth time for incompetence/negligence/insincerity.
  27. Will claim dalit oppression while sipping beer at Park Baluchi, and talking about going to SOAS/UCLA/Yale etc.
  28. Will never give up control of queer youth/students groups on facebook, because he started it, even though he’s turning 38 next year.

Co-authored by Rudra Kishore Mandal, with contributions from Sukhdeep Singh, Moulee, Rituparna Borah, Prithviraj Nath and Mandar Mallappanavar

Illustration by Aritra Paul

Aditya Bondyopadhyay