Life is a struggle in itself, but a gay person struggles much more in life than an average guy. We struggle with our family, our friends, with the society, just for acceptance. Acceptance for what we are, for what God has made us.
I may appear a normal teenager like any other, but there is something which makes me different. I too am one of those struggling persons who belongs to the LGBT community, and today I want to share my coming out story.
It is not just a story of coming out, instead it is my journey of acceptance. It was the worst phase of my life, or probably the best since it taught me many things. I still can’t forget that day.
It must have been 7 in the morning when I woke up to someone yelling out loud, “OMG.. .Look at the pictures of gay couple in his phone, and he is having so many trans friends in his Facebook ID!!!”
It was my sister screaming, informing my mother. Just then my mother started shouting at me, “Tu Gay Banega? Hijra banega? Hum logo ko kya muh dikhayenge??” (You will become gay, hijra? How will we face others in the society?)
I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. Tears trickled down my face.
“Mum, get ready to welcome a groom in your house, because that’s what he’ll do – marry a guy!!!” my sister taunted.
“Are you gay?” they asked me.
I replied, “Yes I am, and I am not ashamed to admit it.”
“So you will also wear Saree and all that stuff?’ my sister questioned.
“I’m gay not transgender. Trans people cross dress and I’m not trans! And if u don’t have any kind of knowledge about them, then you should shut the hell up!” I retorted.
I left for school after that and was crying the whole day. My classmates asked me what was wrong, but I did not share anything with them. I thought by the time I return from school things would be better. But as I entered my house, I saw my grandfather standing.
My mother was telling him about the things that had transpired in the morning. My grandfather then turned towards me and shouted, “Log kya kahenge? Kya izzatt reh jayegi Hamari? Log thukenge humpe. Tujhe jada saukh hai ladki banne ka toh nikal jaanaa mere ghar se.” (What will people say? What respect will we have left? If you want to be like a girl, then get out of my house.)
It was literally the worst day of my life. Next day I skipped school as I wasn’t feeling well. I had to bear the taunts of my family members, which hurt me more than a glass piercing your heart. At noon, my sister went to her college, while my mother and grandfather went out to shop. Sensing an opportunity, I took out a rope and tied it to the ceiling fan. Just when I was going to hang myself my phone rang. It was a very close gay friend of mine. I picked up the call and started crying.
“Are you okay? What happened to you? Baby, are you fine???” the voice at the other end inquired.
I narrated the complete story to him. After patiently listening to me, he said, “We all have problems in our life, but it doesn’t mean we give up. And it will take time for your family to digest things. Don’t worry, they’ll accept you.”
His assurances helped calm me down and I abandoned my plans to die.
My phone was taken away from me, my grandfather wasn’t talking to me while my sister and mother were behaving rudely with me. Days passed but their taunts continued.
Today, after almost 1 year and 2 months, my sister has finally accepted me. We are very good friends now and share everything. My grandfather has started talking to me, though he hasn’t accepted me. My mother is still upset with me.
I just want to thank every single person who is and who were a part of my life. I just want to say sometimes life gets tough, but it doesn’t mean we have to give up, God has given us those problems to check our strength and to make us strong.
- How I Struggled When My Family Found Out I Am Gay - May 19, 2016