The Other Side of Coming Out

Its a cliched topic, but what I would like to say is from the closeted point of view, as to how he sees his friend coming out. I had a friend from my university, who was pretty effeminate. It was quite obvious that he could be gay. But, people around gave him the benefit of the doubt. He had come out to me before being “open” to the world, and it’s quite a feeling. You feel protective when someone comes out to you, as it means, they trust you so much. When he puts pictures with his friends on FB, tags, posts and comments, people took it as usual. He can hug guys, he can text them and even put a pic along with them on Whatsapp.

That’s how the world is. Even if someone is strikingly gay, until he comes out, there is always a window of doubt. he can be as close to a guy, except may be a kiss on the lips, every other PDA is acceptable. People would joke from time to time, but they wouldn’t ponder into the possibility or even spell it out. His life changed the minute he came out to his parents and the world.

Although his parents were slightly supportive, and the coming out wasn’t as dramatic, as many did have a hunch about him. Few things changed, that you wouldn’t read on any “coming out” columns that are too trivial yet makes a huge impact. People become weary around them. They think twice before posing with them for a selfie, some get uncomfortable if the guy compliments them, they get apprehensive when he touches the guy, and even girls tease if he walks with a guy.

Some guys are chilled out, but many are apprehensive. Some would unfriend him on FB, and some are afraid to be seen in public with him. More than anything, the phobia of the closeted towards the open is very much prevalent. This to me, makes me more uncomfortable to ever come out than anything. The closeted, in any app, wouldn’t want to text you if you are open! If you are someone who simply wants love and a relationship, coming out would close down the opportunity to be with any nice guy, who is closeted.

You could be gay and open, and flaunt with your gang all those party pictures, but the intimate relationships are lost when you date someone who is closeted. Nothing is more painful than you being open and your relationship being in the closet. In fact, the number of gay men in India as opposed to the open ones would be very high. This, makes a huge difference. The Closeted are weary, and it is very much understandable, but to be open and out, I can feel that my friend, still feels like an outcast. He left India for good, but still faces the glares and snares if he ever visits. His chances of finding love, in no way has increased. He found friends, but the intimate relationship he craves for, has not come about. I wait eagerly for him to date an equally open guy and show the world that being open gives you chances to date and find love more than ever.

As someone closeted, I am so much more comfortable around fellow closeted gay men, than be with someone who isn’t. The type of allegations and stereotyping you would be subject to, is very disheartening.

Caped Crusader
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