Most of us have grown up in a very “straight environment”. Almost everywhere, everyone around you is talking about the love or any kind of relationship between a man and a woman. I don’t remember at my early age, anyone ever talking about “being gay”. It was even considered a taboo. Abnormal. At this juncture, when you fall for a guy, then you are supposedly the girl. But that was not the truth.
Every song, every movie, every series, novels and what not is about a guy and a girl. Even with so many “Dos and Don’ts” and “manuals” for dating for the straight couples you see that they some how accept each other for all the flaws and strengths they have. But, what do Gay men have as a means for it?
We all find these tabloids and may be one or two comic gay characters in mainstream media, and most of them are either too dark and pathos or too comic and idealistic. Since we haven’t seen a real life gay couple from our childhood, it is rather just an image in our head that we try to make work.
When I started dating, my yard scale for dating was that from a hetero-normative viewpoint. Why? I haven’t seen any other. Even in a dance, it is hard to take roles. Most guys I have dated had the same vision and expectation that never would coincide with the gay world. Or may be it would, if you are lucky enough.
And then I see some who are not ready to dream. They undermine themselves and their self worth to be okay with any kind of men, however abusive and how much ever they cheat. They believe this is the best they can get and they make it a point to be with them.
Then there are those who don’t bend to anything hetero-normative and enter an alley that confuses them and everyone around. They have no expectations; as long as it is not mainstream, they are okay with it. They don’t probably believe in the concept of “couple” and would be “poly-amorous”. They are experimental and take it as it goes. May be they could pave a way for a homo-normative lifestyle, but who knows.
They pretty much take no effort and expect everything to be handed over to them. They expect you to feed them, take care of them, make love to them, take them around and what not; simply because their only idea of romance is that between their mom and themselves. They burp, fart and crap, and that’s all you can expect from them. Now, these people go well with the “too realistic” ones.
I might pretty much fall under this category. I have no clue if I have to lead, or not. Whether I must be happy when I am taken out on a date or feel uncomfortable because I don’t understand what he expects in return. When you want to have a hetero-normative life, but would rebel just a little, and then go “full on” romance mode, and lay like a brick later for someone to take care. Who talks realistically, but wishes for something idealistic.
These guys have no need for gay romance, and are very clear of one thing. Booty. They refrain from any kind of emotional bond and look for sex. Lets not forget how many guys are behind this one. Low maintenance guy, always horny. Nothing else matters to him. And for now, I guess this is what most men prefer.
May be when we see more gay couples around, proudly romancing each other, most of us can see them and take notes. May be we are not so different from straight couples, may be we are extremely different. May be the straight world is more confused than we are. But, it all comes to personal choices.