Demisexuality is a term that seems to be misunderstood, or may be its just a term that I ended up using to fit my preferences. Sapiosexuality has even become quite prevalent, but Demisexuality is still a vague term. Honestly, to me, at least, it’s getting turned on by someone who is emotionally connected to me. And no, it doesn’t mean you have to be just “nice” to me, and I’ll get turned on, but its getting attracted to the emotional “vibe” of the person.
To me hookups have been a nightmare. I have “made out” with guys whom I have been physically attracted to, I have made out with someone who was intellectually engaging. All this, as an experiment. But I don’t feel the satisfaction nor would I be without “inhibition”. No, it’s not because I am Asexual. But, may be I am looking for something “more” than just someone who knows facts, or who is strong.
Honestly, strong men and intelligent men lack something beyond all that. The emotional factor. The warmth. The sex that you have could be impersonal and aloof, at least for me. Hookups are an allergy, in a way, because, after you share intimate physical moments, you just bid adieu and never see the man again? That seems quite impersonal, however good the person is at bed, however caring and handsome.
In fact, I believe that I attract a lot of Sapios, My first boyfriend used to say, “I love you for your mind,” and till date that’s the biggest compliment I have had. I wait for someone, to whom I can say, “I love you for your heart.” When you “do it” with someone whom you are emotionally connected to, where there is a deep feeling of “you are mine and I am yours”, your inhibitions run away. Every kiss, every touch, and caress gives you a feeling of being explored by someone who is going to love you, beyond the bed, beyond a fixed time frame of act, or beyond other people who would cross our lives.
I don’t know if I have felt that with anyone as of now. Where I am comfortable enough to be “someone’s”. The craving is for a type of intimacy, where it feels “right”. Where the sex is not an agenda, where it’s not a “must”, but it simply “happens”, because it just felt “natural”. Where dating, knowing the person, and being with the person is the main agenda, and the sex just happens to be as effortless as eating or watching TV. Where the feeling is wholesome. No idea who initiated, no idea who finished, no idea when it started or when it stopped. Where you know the person inside out, and you explore them even more, with your senses. Where the intimacy stays even after the hormones wear out, when you rest in his arms, you know it’s not the last time.