I counsel many gay men on various issues in life and one such issue that has been a topic of discussion would be “sex”. On most gay dating sites I have noticed men advertising themselves for hardcore anal fun or simply penetrative sex. Now, I am going to be very blunt over here and tell you how to not expect too much, because most of you end up hating the pleasures of sex, especially when it doesn’t happen as you perceive it.
Blame it on the media or the popular notion, if you are a bottom, you got to offer yourself to the top’s needs. No! It doesn’t have to be that way, and certainly sex is all about give and take, where both the partners need to enjoy the act. Most first timers have no clue that they aren’t ready for anal sex at all, and they only agree for it, to be in the mode and mood with their top partners.
Guys, if you aren’t comfortable with the fact of allowing pain as a part of the anal experience, you sure shouldn’t be jumping the gun at first shot. Remember, the anal lining can accommodate a penis of any size and that’s what we get to hear and see through various mediums, but hey, who is to say, if the medium is true or is it photoshopped?
When you decide to have anal sex with your partner, both you and your partner (yes, even the top) has to be ready. In the beginning, you cannot expect to be a drilling master or an anal bottom expert, leave that to fantasy and porn, for the actors in them have evolved overtime and have adjusted to various endowments as well.
Funny as it seems, but on most gay dating sites, I have noticed bottom’s write “Large endowments preferred”!! I ask to what extent is one willing to inflict self pain and torture on themselves to be accepted? Just because you feel the top is going to bad mouth you in public for not being able to perform the act, it shouldn’t mean you leave your comfort zone!
You should, when it would be your first time, allow oral sex and the acts which follow to be a part of the play. One should have total confidence in themselves and their partners for that matter before the act can begin, or else one wouldn’t know where to do what!! Most tops thrust themselves onto the bottoms in order to gain full penetration in one shot (blame the porn movies for it), this results in tremendous pain and anal cuts which could lead to bleeding and other medical issues as well. Bottom men silently suffer the pains and for what, just to be accepted?
Be practical, they say you can only get better at things and perfection is a far fetched myth. This is so true even in the act of sex, sex should be enjoyable, playful and fun, not forced and painful I say. The next time you decide to have anal sex and plan to make moves that you saw on the latest porn DVD, please think twice. You are still learning the moves and it would take time to be where our favorite porn heroes are. Till then enjoy your oral sex lessons, who knows, your mind may show you ways which would be better than having someone else’s manhood inside you!
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