Moving On

Break ups can be really hard to deal with. Agnivo Niyogi gives you tips on how to deal with it

We have all grown up reading fairy tales. And we believed it when the Prince walks into the life of the damsel in distress and rescues her into a life of unbound happiness, happily ever after. Did we all not spend nights dreaming about the D-day when our “man” will come riding into our mundane lives and make it gorgeously colourful? Fantasy meets reality only in the surreal realm. Truth dawns upon us one day and we accept our fate, surrendering to the best we get in this world.

The concept of a Dream man is ingrained in our psyche.

Life offers us choices, and we mould them to satiate our soul. In the process, rejection and rejuvenation constantly stalk us. Putting us through a turbulent mental struggle, life moves on. In the quest for one right man, we subject ourselves to hundred wrong ones, realising each time that we were wrong. Moving on is easier said than done. Handling break up is no child’s play.

Stability in a gay relationship is still a distant dream. Lack of individual dedication is not as big a reason, as is the social stigma attached to a same sex relationship. Much worse is the attitude of the Indian family to a live in relationship. The fast life one leads often makes it difficult to balance the personal and professional lives. Family takes a back seat in the list of priorities. Insecurities creep in, and in a world where time is more valuable than money; lack of investment dooms a relationship.

But this is not some new discovery. Why did I reiterate? Going through a tumultuous relationship is painful. And a break up is a life shattering experience. Sometimes a sour end leaves a deep scar in the mind which may not heal in a lifetime. Depressions lead to addictions, some start questioning their identity and take drastic measures to avoid facing life.


Losing someone you had held on to for a long time makes your mind vulnerable to weakness. Akin to an idle mind, a weak mind shows tendencies of drifting away from the right path. Mind can be enslaved into rebellion. Happiness disappears and a wave of emotions frequent the tear glands. It is very important that we keep ourselves engaged in daily activities instead of sailing on the ship of memories. Letting go is essential. And making up the mind for it is the first step. Listening to music helps. So does shopping, reading or cooking. Anything that will keep your grey cells busy is welcome change. A chat on the phone with friends proves to be a great healer.


A weak mind surrenders to the sins very easily. In a desperate attempt to live life post break up, people give in to addictions. A simple cup of coffee or an illegal tranquillizer, both qualify as addictions. Unprescribed drugs when taken in uncontrolled amounts to shut the doors on the world, may give rise to a world of illusion. Facing reality is a task we all shy away from in real life, but instances of emotional upheaval just intensify the urge. Drugs prove an easy way out. Saying no to drugs is easy as well as difficult. We must know when to stop. Restraint will grow on us if we cultivate the habit. You can read the September issue of Gaylaxy where the issue of substance abuse was discussed.


Loneliness wrecks our sanity. Alone we strive to tide the times but seldom do we manage. The search for a companion continues as always. Desires of flesh and a sudden loss of a close mate, often resurrects the impulsive forager in us. Digging into the depths of mysteries people have been trying to unravel since creation, seeking moments of pleasure, living in denial of life in those brief periods of fun, addiction gets a new meaning. Addiction to sex has nothing to do with sex. It is like any other substance abuse with the object of desire changing to human meat. Frivolous mixing, unprotected encounters, no holds barred indulgence can accompany us to the pits dug to serve as our graves. A lone wait is sometimes a better solution.


The road not taken often is the most treaded path. Inability to accept life as it comes often brings us face to face with questions we wish we never had to answer. A Break up can provide the foundation for such a situation. While the aforesaid results of a break up may act as pillars, suicide provides the ceiling on which people choose to hang their lives. Touted as a cowardly escapist act and highly abhorred in religious texts, suicide is an act which requires a lot of courage. However only the meek possess such courage. Seeking redemption in death is paradoxical. It can never be the solution. Life gives a reason to live. And we must use it to the full.

The process of self discovery is never complete. It goes on till we meet our natural death. A companion is our guide on the road to knowledge. A loss of one always means a new one is waiting for us at the crossroads. We must keep moving. Without fail. Without sorrow. With determination. Life never disappoints in the long run.